I was 23 years old, in the midst of negotiating my 2nd large-sale contract. It was a $5 million government contract that would transform the trajectory of my life and business forever. Yeah, you could say I was nervous. I’d started this company four years earlier (at 19!) with the mentorship of my father, but I still felt like a novice.
Across my desk was the President of the company we were partnering with, let’s call him Bob. We needed Bob because his company was an expert on the awarding agency’s work requirement — in fact his company had been working there for the past 5 years. No one was better qualified than he. But my company—K4 Solutions—was chosen to be the lead contractor, so Bob needed me too.
We were reluctant bedmates.
I knew this contract would quadruple the size of my company. But still I couldn’t fully comprehend the scale and impact — and I definitely didn’t have any experience negotiating contract terms like this. Bob —in his 60s, an industry veteran leading a company close to $50 million in revenue—clearly did.
Before I could settle in, Bob quickly overtook the conversation. He began arguing over a few clauses our lawyers had been going over – first, inconsequential legalese like whether communication via email would be ‘recognized’ by law…was he just trying to intimidate me? But then more critical clauses – like percentage split of work-share and profit share.
Thrown off and aggravated by his tone and by his barrage of requests, I tried to remind myself that I knew what I was doing. I knew exactly what other companies my size had negotiated in situations like this. He thinks you’re a pushover, I said to myself.
In what I thought was a calm, polite voice, I voiced my truth — “Sorry, we won’t be able to do that.”
His face turned red as he started shouting, “We simply cannot work with you, then, if you are going to operate like this.” He paused, looked around my office, and said, “Where’s your Dad, anyway? Isn’t he here to negotiate with? I don’t know what I’m doing sitting here with you…you must be what, my daughter’s age? 26”?
Twenty-three, actually. And old enough to understand that I was being disrespected.
I looked at him and said, “Ok, I think you’re overreacting here.”
He looked at me, eyes wide, and screamed, “I’M OVERREACTING???!!!”
He threw a stack of papers up in the air, like a pissed off character in a comic strip. I was shocked, but I remained composed as he went on a tirade about how ridiculous my requests were.
I had a few options at this moment. I had my own stack of papers to throw, and I could yell back at him with the same fervor. I could walk out of the room, call my dad, and have him finish the negotiation. Or, I could kill the whole contract.
I summoned the strength to remain seated while he stormed around the room. I’m pretty sure I was sweating and shaking, but when he paused nearly out of breath from his tantrum, I said, “Can we get back to the contract now?” I knew I had no other choice; I was willing to make the best of the situation.
It was as if my calmness had broken a spell. My commitment to moving forward despite his behavior was more powerful than his tantrum. He sat back down and we continued the negotiation.
So, what did his man tantrum (or “mantrum,” as I now affectionately refer to it) teach me?
- Money spent on a good attorney is always money well spent. That being said…
- It’s not smart to “leave things to the lawyers.” Instead, I empowered myself to understand the legalese and get behind the logic. And it paid off.
- Learning through experience is the most immediate (and most fun!) type of learning. Just because I haven’t done something before, doesn’t mean I shouldn’t do it now, and doesn’t mean I shouldn’t do it alone! As an entrepreneur, we’re constantly throwing ourselves into the deep end alone. Get used to it and have fun with it!
- Having confidence in my own self automatically and naturally gives other people confidence in me. (duh!) You don’t need “secret sauce” to be taken seriously, you just need to take yourself seriously.
5. I’m not always going to work with people I like, though I may try to most of the times. And that’s OK.
- I am enough. I learned that I had to stop measuring myself against others, and accept that I am good enough, smart enough, capable enough, , successful enough to achieve anything I want to achieve.
And so are you.
